shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The Olympian is in my bed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
