She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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