"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize