hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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