I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
