i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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