Plan B is the new Plan A
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
