Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
