just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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