if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
