I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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