If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize