Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
