ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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