you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
