i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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