I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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