When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
