I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
