i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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