I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
