why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
