Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
