ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
