So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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