i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
