If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your penis caused this!
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