I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
