everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
