there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
