I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
