hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I currently don't understand fingers.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
