Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
