I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
