How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
