I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
