I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
