Screwed.edu
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
