i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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