Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
