had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
