I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
