They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
