I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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