i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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