I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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