i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
