im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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