I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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