i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize