Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
