FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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