There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
