you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
