got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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