Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
