Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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