What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
