Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I FOUND THE LEGS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
