you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
