can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
