help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize