Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize