Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
