Already got asked if we're dating
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
