laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you win again, gameday.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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