I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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