her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
