i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize