I can text with my tongue
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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