I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
