my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
