She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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