That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize