why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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