at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
