I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
