I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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