just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
